solegraphy :: like calligraphy, only better

There are things that happen while living abroad that can occur in Western societies. Make no mistake, no person is safe.

Specifically from the ever intimidating bouncy castle of doom.

Friday last, my school had a welcome-back picnic with games, free food, magicians, water guns, and four different bouncy castles. I volunteered to help out where ever needed and I was stationed at a bouncy castle far away from central traffic. I was thrilled because it meant that I didn’t have to wrestle small children away from the castle to wait their turn.

I was told to go find the bouncy “lion” and to use my best judgement about the number of students permitted on at a time. I wandered aimlessly searching for the mysterious “lion” before stumbling across a domed, twenty foot inflatable room with a lion head strapped on at the top. Initially, not many students found my little corner zoo, but those who did returned for many more turns.

Eventually, five upper-elementary aged girls begged me to allow all five of them in at one time and I foolishly agreed. Never again.

Nor should you ever make such a mistake if you ever find yourself the dictator of a bouncy lion.

The girls bounced peacefully for a few moments before conspiring to all run to one corner of the castle. After impact, the castle began to sink in despair. I reprimanded the girls with the proper teacher voice and demanded that they leave the castle at once. I was holding open the entrance until I felt something bang against my head.

It just so happened to be the chin of the lion that had previously been twenty feet higher in the air. I held the face above my head like a professional wrestler about to throw a chair - while shouting at the girls to flee as if their lives depended on it. Since I was out of the way, no one knew my plight.

After several minutes of students watching me while I attempted to support the rapidly deflating zoo animal, a fellow teacher stumbled across me. He was casually eating watermelon as he walked around the corner, only to discover me propping up a lion head and shouting for the girls to run for their lives. He ran to my aid and redirected the air flow of the bouncy castle. Thankfully, no one was injured from the mishap, but I have now developed an irrational fear of bouncy castles and an entirely reasonable fear of lions. After all, it tried to eat me.

Just remember, bouncy castles are evil and will try to eat your children. This may happen anywhere in the world, but I simply have a gorgeous environment to help me cope.

Until I poured my bowl of cereal this morning and a roach came out. After squealing and flailing around violently, I caught and released it outside. Hopefully he will not remember the joy of the chocolate Rice Krispies and return inside. I do not think my heart is strong enough for it.